JANE THE CAKE DIES
Tributes have been pouring in for Jane the Cake who died last night in a tragic roadside accident. Photographers were at the scene in minutes and initial reports indicate drugs were involved. Jane was driving home from Mcdonald’s in Lewisham when she was hit by a white mini-van. Eye witness reports suggest the driver of the van was ‘cracked-up’ and ‘waving his gun in the air’. Another witness claimed this was because ‘he liked sex’.
Photographs show bags of a ‘white substance’ strewn over the road believed to be cocaine which is often made into crack by criminal immigrants. Police have recovered ‘the majority’ of the crack from the scene. The identity of the van driver is not known but he is thought to be of Eastern European descent.
Floral tributes have been building up at the Lewisham McDonalds and the restaurant is struggling to keep up with orders for thirty chicken nuggets and a diet Coke. Jane’s friends have been keeping vigil at the fast food chain. Lucy Hill, one of Jane’s closest friends has been there since 6am. She said “Jane will always be angel. Some people didn’t understand Jane but she now has her place in the stars. Her light will never go out. Heaven is a better place now.”
Jane had become a McDonalds addict and was morbidly obese. Cain Ullah another friend said “Jane wasn’t able to get out of her car for the last month. What a shame it had to be this that finally set her free.”
Will Dixon added “It was society that made her who she was and society that took her from us. Never has the phrase ‘Broken Britain’ meant so much.”
The Mail has exclusive pictures of Jane’s last days HERE and HERE
Leave your own personal tributes below.
